The Interview

Today is one of those blue Mondays. Do not get confused, blue is my favorite color and I am trying to shun away all negativity by staying focused so I will not entertain the ‘Monday blues’ idea (don’t say it aloud, the ghosts may be listening). So I’m thinking of a nice smoothie to set the moods but don’t get ideas, I am not thinking about some detox.

Trust me, I belong to the group that when we step on the weighing machine , we have to bend slightly to both our right and left as well as swivel a little bit to jump start the machine. Even the weighing machine owners, have qualms about the functionality of their machines, thus they be like “ebu kanyaga chini kidogo” then they pretend to rectify the fault on their machines before you can step on it again.

But that’s aside; I have been trying to find a remedy for my friend’s misery. Njoki, a good friend of mine, was invited for an interview that has robbed her of her self confidence and joy. I mean she used to talk about mouth-watering stuff like pizza, chocolates and ice-cream like five times in her sentences, now all she talks about is ‘The Interview’.

“Did you put on your ‘lucky charm’?” I inquire.

“But of course!” she shouted.

Njoki has three suits with a label ‘interviews only’ on them. She has nicknamed her favorite one ‘Lucky charm’ basically because she secured her first job in it. Then there is ‘Confuse your enemies’, just in case she has more than one interview to attend at the same company. The third one is nicknamed ‘Chocolatee’ with an exaggerated ‘e’ at the end; maybe because it’s brown and also for the love of chocolates.

“And you wore your ‘Sweep- them- of their-feet heels?” I ask.

“Yes I did, with a touch of sparkly cream blouse” She answers pouting.

“Well maybe you drowned them in your sea of integrity, experience and education all wrapped up with self-confidence and passion” I reply with a smirk.

“Then they have an interesting way of showing it” She exclaims

“Why is that?” I probe again.

“It was a panel with a lady and two gentlemen and all I could hear the gentlemen say in turns is “interesting” every time I answered a question” Njoki answered.

Back to my smoothie, seriously, who has recipes for great smoothies? A smoothie that smiles innocently: like a satisfied toddler who just did fart involuntarily. But before I get back to my smoothie research, I have an observation to make. (NB: This observation may be correct or wrong, I’m open to your views).

These days a job seekers CV lands into the selection process; either because it’s very good for the position advertised or the resume is very good for future auditing process purposes that is for those companies with standard requirements. If it’s the later, I won’t say, ‘cursed are you among all other companies’, but I have a few requests to make.

First, let the interview start early enough for your introduction to be accompanied by a king-like breakfast and let it end late enough for the ‘Don’t call us we will call you’ statement to be concluded with a queen-like lunch followed by a great smoothie. At least, this will serve as a Thank You Note. I would suggest what to include in the meals, but then I would look like a foodie so I will leave that to the organizing team.

Secondly, send the regrets email wrapped up with great recommendation for the companies that are in dire need of those great minds.

Last but not the least, send the regrets email on time. The job seeker can’t afford to wait for the second coming of Christ and wait for the regrets email too. At least save them that agony.

Now let me get back to the smoothie because I need to bring back Njoki’s dimples and eradicate the pale skin. I mean, it’s good, actually great, to be able to say; I am light-skinned, chocolate or I’m dark not dark dark but just dark & lovely. But to say I’m pale or my skin color is pale, that will attract nurses, doctors and a hospital bed faster than the Gender bill is attracting the idea that parliament can be dissolved. Thereafter, I will listen to how s**t hit the fan or at least how it massaged the fan at ‘The Interview’ for the 29th time.